This Past Year…

So, I’m back.

I know its been a while since I posted anything and I apologize for disappearing like that. I guess I just needed this time to sit with myself and reflect.

This past year hasn’t been kind to me, as I’ve struggled in many areas of my life. I think my greatest obstacle was trying to find a place for myself in this world as a fresh graduate.

For a long time, I was there but I really wasn’t. I would sleep to work and work to pay the bills. I had lost sense of time and succumbed to the darkest recesses of my mind. For a long time, there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

There was only me.. and well, my demons.

Its quite unfortunate that some of my friends decided to give up on me. Or maybe that was a blessing. Because well, those who can’t handle being around you at your worse, don’t really deserve to be around you at all, right?

I’ve come to realize that people outgrow each other, and sometimes it’s just better to let them go.

I’m not sure why I’m writing this, but I’ve had a lot of time to think in the past year. I’ve had a lot of time to face myself.

Last month, I finally pulled myself out of the darkness. What actually did it was an anime I was watching on a Thursday night. It’s called Nodame Cantabile. It’s an older musical anime, one I consider a classic in a way.

I remember the main character saying something that really resonated with me,

“You can’t go around envying other people’s worlds.. you have to go out and change your own”

It was at that moment I realized what I was doing. I spent an entire year wallowing in self pity.. I realized it was always me

I was unkind to myself.

I spent all this time bullying myself, because I just didn’t know how to be me..

I guess, after that realization, I decided that I was going to crawl out of my hardened shell, and create who I want to be.

I guess you could say, I’m tired of just going with the flow.

I wish I could say that there’s some kind of wisdom that I want to share with you guys.. but there isn’t.

All I can say is that self actualization is a long process that requires a lot patience and a lot of effort.

Becoming who you want to be is a lifelong project. You will stumble, you will be criticized, you will be heartbroken… it’s all a part of the process.

The more you invest into your growth, the more fulfilling the end result will be.

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